Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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