I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Too much gin, very little bucket
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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