If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
