God, you're like boner-b-gone
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
