wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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