like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
