I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Randomize
