I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
