Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
