Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
the raccoons are back...
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