saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize