he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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