One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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