On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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