my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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