Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
