She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
