Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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