White coat. Heels.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
too bad you live with your parents still
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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