the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
