remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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