if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
