The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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