Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
