If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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