I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize