maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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