Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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