you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
