i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
cat food counts as protein by the way
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
