You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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