The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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