I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
