I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
