I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
