she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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