you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
