I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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