He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
