everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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