my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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