She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
