I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
