my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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