I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize