I met the friendliest cop last night
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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