Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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