so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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