i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
