The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
