You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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