What a fucking waste of an outfit
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
