It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
