Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
