Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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