I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
