Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize