party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
