i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
