i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
