Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
