Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
