Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
