Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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