thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
