I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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