If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
