Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
