lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
