took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
