Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
