Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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