So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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