I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
