Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
