he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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