The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Randomize
