I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
