If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
