I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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