Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
