Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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