Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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