my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
