I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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