my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Hippo gnu deer
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
