I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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