you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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