I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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