i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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