You work out of a Hotel?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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