I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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