I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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