Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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