North Korea, Best Korea!
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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