I accidentally had phone sex last night
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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